Marriage.. or no marriage?

While we are on our way back home, the Gardiners were trying to keep me calm and said that Wickham would probably end up marrying Lydia. But I know that Wickham would never marry anyone if they had no money. Once I got home my mother was throwing a complete fit thinking father will kill him and we will get kicked out of our house. My uncle told mother that he and Mrs. Gardiner would go to London to help father find Lydia. Jane and I read over Lydia's letter and she seemed pretty sure she was getting married.

Oh Lydia.

So today I got news from Janes that Lydia has run off with Wickham! I jumped up from my seat and to go find mt aunt and uncle to tell them we needed to go home. Then Darcy came in and I cried to him but I am embarrassed because I feel like he may think that my family is weak. Once he left I was wondering if I would ever see him again. Once my aunt and uncle arrived they planned a way to get me home as soon as possible.

Visit to the Darcy's

I have been thinking since I have to meet up with Miss. Bingley that her behavior towards me is because she is completely jealous. So we headed off to Miss. Darcys house and I was getting looks by Miss. Bingley of disgust and hatred. Then Darcy came into the room and of course, stuck up Miss. Bingley brought up the fact that I made a good comment about Wickham because she knew that Mr. Darcy would be upset. A little later aunt Gardiner and I were walked out to our carriage by Mr. Darcy.

Mr. & Miss. Darcy

While in Pemberely Miss & Mr. Darcy showed up and I was so excited and nervous because I want to leave a good impression on Miss. Darcy. Once they arrived my aunt and uncle knew Darcy was in love with me. Then Mr. Bingley then arrived. I began to watch him and his behavior towards Miss Darcy and honestly I was glad to see that he did not look interested in her. Mr. Bingley and I were talking and he told me that Darcy and I need to talk, but he also wanted to talk to me about Jane. Before they left, Darcy invited everyone to dinner in Pemberley. All night I was up thinking about my feelings towards him but they were too overwhelming. The next morning aunt G and I decide to go visit Miss. Darcy and thank her for her hospitality!

Pemberley

I am beginning to realizes that my parents' marriage is not a great marriage to look up to, and my father has a way of making my mother feel bad because she is so foolish. I just now understood that
unfortunate marriages do affects children and that my father may be the blame to this marriage. My aunt Gardiner writes me saying that she and her husband are going to Derbyshire and offered me to go with them. Derbyshire is Mr. Darcy's country and I wonder if I'll be able to enjoy it without constantly thinking about him. Of course as soon I'm in Derbyshire, aunt Gardiner urges me to visit Pemberley which is Darcy's estate. I truly do not want to go, but the chambermaid lets me know that the family isn't down here so there is no way of running into Darcy. The next morning, I made up my mind and I decided I actually would love to go see Pemberley!

Confessions

I finally got the guts to tell Jane about Darcy and the first thing she said was how disappointment he must be. I told her about Wickham and of course Jane doesn't think badly about either man. Once again I'm way too confused. Even though I have new information about Bingley I had to hold my breathe so Jane doesn't get hurt. It is so hard seeing Jane be so hurt inside when she is truly the kindest and most sincere woman.

Wickham Wickham Wickham

While eating with my sisters Lydia talks about the latest news about Wickham. She told us that Mary King, the girl he is with is now gone to stay with her uncle in Liverpool. So Lydia thinks Wickham is safe. On the way home all I'm hearing about Wickham and the girls other stories. Then two seconds after we arrive home Lydia is crazy about going to Meryton. The whole town talks about how us Bennet girls are home for a minute and then run off to meet men. This day just needs to end already.

The confusion

I got an invitation from Lady Catherine to come around because she is bored and she tried to convince me to stay at Charlotte's house for a longer visit. When I do not except she makes a big deal about how I needs a servant to accompany me on my trip home. I've been re-reading Darcy's letter and now it is stuck in my head. I'm so confused on my true feelings for Dacry. Sometimes I hate him and other timees I feel something for him and I may actually be regretting my decision. I want to tell Jane about Darcy but I don't want to upset her anymore then I already have.

The famous proposal

All I have been able to think about is the news I recieved from Fitzwilliam. Of course as I'm thinking about this guess who rings the doorbell. Darcy. And all of a sudden he is announcing his love for me? The more he is talking the more upset and disgusted I become with him. He is explaining to me that he tried everything to not feel the way he felt about me but since he has feelings for me and they won't go away he might as well act upon them and propose to me. Once he finished talking I refused to accept his proposal. His manners are a uncalled for, he ruined my sisters chance in being happy, I had no feelings towards Darcy at all, and his behavior and manners are way out of line. Then he left.

And the truth comes out..

While taking my usual walks I always end up seeing Darcy. The way that Darcy was speaking it made me think that Fitzwilliam may have been interested in me. Luckily I got to see him one day while I was at Charolettes house. We bagan to talk about Miss. Darcy and if either of them have heard of he being in some kind of trouble. I lied saying I didn't. That's when Fitzwilliam spilled the beans on Mr. Darcy and his sneaky ways. He revealed that Darcy convinced Bingley not marry Jane because of her social class. I was furious and couldn't believe Darcy had ruined something that could have been a great marriage.

Darcy? Love?

As I'm at Collin's house Darcy found me and an awkward conversation somehow began. Fortunately, Charolette came back in the room and Darcy left, and she told me that Darcy is in love with me. I didn't believe this for a second because we barely know each other and he certainly has no interest in me what so ever, he made this clear at the first ball we saw each other at. Darcy is a strange character that I am unwilling to figure out.

The housekeeper's room

A week after Easter I was invited to Rosings. Lady Catherine greeted us out company didn't seem important to her but Colonel Fitzwilliam gave me attention and we talked about music. Mr. Darcy the whole time was staring at us as if he could've been jealous. I went into the housekeeper's room and began to play the piano until Mr. Darcy came in. We got into it a little bit until he tried making excuses like it's difficult for him to talk to people and he is shy. Sure enough Lady Catherine came in and began to tell me my weaknesses and strengths in my piano playing and how if I practiced more I would become better. Maybe Darcy should take her advice in practicing to become a better person.